the wrestle

It started as a simple statement
“you are lucky” she said
“wait til high school ”
“it will catch up”
those words stuck in my 9 year old brain

“you are so thin”
they always told me
it became my pride
my identity
“you are going to be carried away by the wind”

“you need to eat”
“you are too thin”
….but I did eat
I was still ahead of the game
My thin body was still winning

My body began to change
Jeans fit different than before
Same size just tighter in some areas
Is this what they were warning of

Pictures of the beach
I saw my legs and butt
It was beginning to catch up to me
I had to fight it
I could not let her prophecy be true

Just eat less
Stomach’s shrink
But hunger is all I can think sometimes
Just throw it up
It’s like it never happened

I can handle this
It’s only temporary
I will stop when I am happy
When I regain my identity

Five years have gone by
How has this gone on for so long?