Faith without deeds is dead

I am in a reflective kinda, odd,mood today and I can't quite put a finger on why. I am having trouble understanding the manner in which I trust God. What I mean by that is I can totally trust God with some parts of my life but have trouble even opening up other parts of my life to even be openly seen by Him. I try to hide my hurts and pain that are still raw and misunderstood and instead of asking God for help, understanding, and healing I try to fight the battle alone or ignore all together until it is too much to bear. I know that this reaction is a result of the hurts and pains I have been forced to face through life that I can't seem to shake. Over the last week God has revealed to me how this effects me and my relationship with Him and others. Because I choose not to trust Him and try to do things on my own I try to control everything in my life and every blessing God has chosen to give me , although I give him credit for with my mouth, I live in such a manner that shows I believe I earned them all on my own. This pride has been hard to overcome and before this week I would have never thought I was a prideful and selfish person ,but I am, even more than I am willing to admit. God has placed me in so many great positions of influence right now in my life and I truly believe if I could just become broken in order to feel restoration. The power that God could put in the ministries he has placed me in could be unbelievable if only I would humble myself and trust him. I have been on a journey of healing this school year more so than any other time in my life, there were ( and still are) a lot of things I needed to work through in order to move on in my life. It has been incredible and refreshing but this next phase towards healing is definitely the scariest and the hardest to face. Hopefully I won't back down though because I need this more than I realize. I believe God wants to use me in big ways to impact peoples lives in his name if I only would let him.