random flow of thoughts

I am not bold.


As time goes on I might get to know you better and be more honest and upfront

But I am not bold

I am soft spoken and unsure of myself

I mumble


Unless..... I am in a position that lacks clear roles and leadership.

Then I step up and take charge

If no one else knows what to do THEN I feel comfortable to try anything

I think it goes along with my fear of looking stupid and being wrong

Anyways in other news: I am not sure what I want to do with my life. I know I want to move overseas and do missions but I am starting to doubt I am capable for no other reason than I am waiting and it is not my time yet. I feel a lack of direction. I have no immediate goals to accomplish. I feel like I am just floating by in life. I do have one goal and that is to get a full time job. I have been filling out applications and doing my part, so yet again it is about timing and waiting. The wait is hard it is out of my control. I can say with 100% honesty that I am not worried about getting a job. I have full faith that God will put me in the place that he wants me to be. The thing is I am ready to be there.

I think this week on one of my days off I am going to do some soul searching, establish some goals, and an action plan.
In Proverbs 29:18 it says:
If people can't see what God is doing,
they stumble all over themselves;
But when they attend to what he reveals,
they are most blessed.


I feel the weight of that verse lately.